Eleventh
Week Post Transplant:
April 17-23, 2005
My anxiety has been better this week. I’ve decided to be kind to myself and not put myself in situations that cause anxiety, but to let life move me forward. For example, Tuesday through Thursday we took a trip to Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania to visit Bob’s Mom. This was my first long car ride besides my trips to Boston . I felt a little anxious when we got started, but by the time we reached the highway I was fine.
I’ve continued raking a little bit every day and my muscles are getting stronger. I also feel a growing core strength, which I believe is the strength of this new heart. Never before have I enjoyed physical exercise as much as I do now. It makes me wonder how long my native heart was weak.
Had an insight this week about why my veins are so tiny. My native heart, when it was so weak, needed narrower veins to maintain adequate blood pressure. If this holds any truth at all it again confirms my sense that I’ve had a weakening heart for many years.
The beat-skipping is less this week, or else I’m not noticing it as much. It doesn’t worry me like it used to. But my hand tremors have gotten worse. Oh well.
I’ve gained a couple pounds, and now hover around 138. I no longer feel too skinny and emaciated. Somehow I think the extra pounds give me a reserve of strength. My ribs have healed to the point where I can comfortably sleep on my stomach--something else I'm really grateful for!
This weekend Aria and Kellan came over again. Sunday we were outside in the yard. Aria got out her bicycle which she is learning to ride without training wheels. I was holding her seat, walking quickly beside her as she tried to find her balance. I was so happy to be capable of doing this, and to play catch with Kellan. I carry a gift with me. It’s a gift I continue to receive with every beat of my new heart.
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