Fifth Week Post
Transplant:
March 5-12, 2005
Monday I was feeling so good that I walked faster and farther than my usual routine. Suddenly my heart started pounding, I couldn’t catch my breath, I felt light-headed, overheated and too exhausted to make it back home. Fortunately this happened in front of a neighbor’s house. They welcomed me in and called Bob, who had already sensed I was gone too long and had already come looking for me. It was a scary feeling because it reminded me of the old heart disease symptoms. I panicked, which didn’t help how I felt. I tried to convince myself my heart was healthy and normal, so I should have nothing to worry about. I just over-did it.
I spent the rest of Monday and Tuesday in bed, totally exhausted. Wednesday I was able to get up and move around more, which was good timing in that I got to spend most of the day with Emily. Emily, my eldest daughter, was here for almost the whole week. She had been looking forward to cooking for me, but came down with the flu. So she stayed upstairs until Wednesday when she was feeling better enough to come downstairs. I don’t see her very often, but at least we had one day to hang out, do yarn work together, talk and watch The Food Channel. Moments to cherish.
Thursday Bob and I took Emily to the bus station and then continued to Boston for my fourth biopsy. We hit four traffic jams and had to wait two hours for the biopsy appointment, and things didn’t get any better. They usually take the biopsies through the right jugular vein in the neck. After about half an hour of trying, and a lot of pushing and pressure on my neck, they gave up. It was a difficult experience and they finally gave me a sedative before repeating the procedure through the vein on the left side of my neck. This went smoothly. A vascular physician was called to do an ultrasound on my right jugular, where they found a blood clot, which was the reason they were unable to insert the catheter.
Afterwards, during the clinic portion of my visit, I found out the unpleasant ramifications of having a clot. I would have to go on blood thinning medicine for a few months until the clot went away. But because I had two more biopsies scheduled in the next month, I couldn’t go on an oral medicine. I would have to give myself a shot of lovanox twice a day in my stomach. The good news was they took me off the blood pressure medicine, and the biopsy was again negative. They say I am doing remarkably well.
Still, I felt pressed against the edge of the envelope emotionally. All the detachment I had been feeling disappeared. The thought of giving myself a shot was bad enough, having to do it in the stomach was so high on my queasy scale that I couldn’t deal with it. I don't have a lot of fat on my stomach, and the needle has to be inserted subcutaneously. I worried I wouldn't have enough room for two shots a day for the next month. So I cried for a good few hours. I hadn’t cried since I'd been home and the emotional release felt good. I resolved that somehow I would just cope with the chore. Give myself a shot in the morning first thing, before I was awake enough to think about it, and the second one sometime around dinner so I could get it over with before the night was over.
Friday was another difficult day as I felt sick, as though I had the flu, but with no symptoms other than feeling miserable. My vitals were fine. I stayed in bed most of the day and treated myself to watching a movie. I’ve also been reading “The Flute of God” which has been uplifting for me. On the positive side of this day, I found a way to deal with the lovanox injections. I asked my nurse exactly how many days I'd need the lovanox, and it turned out to be a few days less than one month. So the task wasn't going to last as long as I'd feared. Plus I realized I could inject it into fatty tissue on my buttocks just as easily as in my stomach. It is just as painful but the queasy factor is much lower.